dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
