She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
