Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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