I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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