i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
