My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
