the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
