You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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