i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize