i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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