so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
