FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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