the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
