I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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