Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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