I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
