WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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