the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A+ Viking dick
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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