you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
