I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
