You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
