It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
