My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
