So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
