If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
