If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
