Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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