just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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