a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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