Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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