She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
