Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
