apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
