just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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