she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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