ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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