you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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