when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize