I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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