I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
