if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
