I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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