My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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