i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
