My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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