I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize