Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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