It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize