I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
