Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
