please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
