i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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