i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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