Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
