i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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