it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
