Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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