I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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