Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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