i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
