My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
