I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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