im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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