i always forget guys have bellybuttons
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
