Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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