The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
