I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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