Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
