You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
